Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Username: Password:

Pages: [1]   Go Down

Author Topic: Kids history test  (Read 2049 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

DARKJESTER

  • Don Juan, The Hurricane of Spain
  • Shady Member (100 Posts)
  • ***
  • Inebriation Level: 0
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 136
  • Home Faire: Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival
Kids history test
« on: Jan 03, 02, 10:31:09 pm CST »

The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling. Even funnier read aloud to someone else!

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert.  The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his
career suffered a dramatic decline.

6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king.  Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.  Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.  Another important invention was the circulation of
blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.  Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-
foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is
famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a
heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration
of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in
1790 and is still dead.

14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show.  They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a  supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept
up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.  Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large.

16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him.  Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered the radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers.
Logged
DARKJESTER
Rogue#496, Merc#300, Bard# 316, Privateeer #142.

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats."  ~H. L. Mencken

Kelda

  • Renowned Member (500 Posts)
  • ****
  • Inebriation Level: 0
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 597
    • http://www.mare.mckim.com/default.html
Kids history test
« Reply #1 on: Jan 04, 02, 01:57:00 am CST »

Those are great, DarkJester! I've made a note to remember that a myth is a female moth. I always forget that one! :p
Logged
Kelda Hogarth
MCL, IWG
Ren Merc
TM
GarbWhore
Bard
aka Kelda MacDobhran, Clan MacDobhran
aka Mad Anne Bonny
aka Mad Anne Kidd

Never give terrorists an inch, unless it's cold steel!

DARKJESTER

  • Don Juan, The Hurricane of Spain
  • Shady Member (100 Posts)
  • ***
  • Inebriation Level: 0
  • Offline Offline
  • Gender: Male
  • Posts: 136
  • Home Faire: Pittsburgh Renaissance Festival
Kids history test
« Reply #2 on: Jan 04, 02, 12:25:09 pm CST »

My personal favorite is the fact that Casear apparently said "Tee Hee, Brutus" when he died.  Shakespeare got it all wrong I guess.
Quote
Orginally posted by Kelda

             Those are great, DarkJester! I've made a note to remember that a myth is a female moth. I always forget that one! :p
Logged
DARKJESTER
Rogue#496, Merc#300, Bard# 316, Privateeer #142.

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats."  ~H. L. Mencken

Saphyne

  • Blatant Member (300 Posts)
  • ***
  • Inebriation Level: 0
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 304
    • http://www.saphyne.com
Kids history test
« Reply #3 on: Jan 04, 02, 12:54:52 pm CST »

I've seen this before, and it is always, always funny. However, I am always bothered by one thing... the claim that they are answers to history exam questions.

These were all taken from a passage in the book Anguished English, one of the funniest collections of examples of misuse of the english language. This was actually a compiled history of the world and was written in the book in paragraph/story form. It is a combonation of many mistakes from many history papers.

At any rate, I highly reccomend the book. The secion on parent's notes to school and on things said in court are quite humorous, as well.

Alright, shutting up now.
Logged
Saphyne
IWG Madam, Local 69
R.E.A.P. #1, Crown Princess

www.saphyne.com

Danae

  • Blatant Member (300 Posts)
  • ***
  • Inebriation Level: 0
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 392
    • http://www.theblackbird.net
Kids history test
« Reply #4 on: Jan 04, 02, 02:55:51 pm CST »

I love the parent's notes to school bit.  I highly recommend that.
Logged
Danae D'Armand
Wench #463 ~ Merc #458 ~ etc, etc.
"Vivere commune est, sed non commune meredi."

Annette

  • Overt Member (400 Posts)
  • ***
  • Inebriation Level: 0
  • Offline Offline
  • Posts: 496
    • http://home.talkcity.com/SisterhoodSt/annettemayden/
Kids history test
« Reply #5 on: Jan 04, 02, 04:19:43 pm CST »

I like the things said in court. That always leaves me in stitches.

Not like I don't have more than my fair share of malapropisms.
Logged
Annette
IWG# 1642
AKA Helina Handbasket
AKA Daisy Hamwich of Buckleberry Fern
Belled Catlet of Wenchylvania
Free Celtic Downloads http://mp3.com/TheBards?AnnetteMayden
Certifiable Shameless Promoter of Potted Fox Products; www.Pottedfox.com. "Yes, I have the Wenches Guild Pouch. Yes, I absolutely love it. Did I mention it was custom made? Do you wanna see how much can fit in it?"

Passion is a stern master. If you live in it's house, you will be its slave.~ unknown

I don't know what happened- He kissed me and all my clothes fell off! ~unknown

...I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free; And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me... ~Lee Greenwood
Pages: [1]   Go Up