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Author Topic: Dear Santa...  (Read 1071 times)

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  • Celebrious Member (800 Posts)
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  • Gender: Male
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  • God i am getting old
Dear Santa...
« on: Dec 18, 02, 02:35:51 am CST »

Dear Santa,

Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your @ss every
year, being the perfect
Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in
December and dressing in
fake Chanel at sappy tea parties.

I hate to break it
to ya', Santa, but it's
payback time. There had better be some changes around
here, or I'm gonna call
for a nationwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't
wanna be around to smell
it. These are my demands for Christmas 2002:

1. Sweat pants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick
of looking like a hooker
in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it
feels like to have nylon
and Velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do.

2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. That
cheap-o molded
underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks
like cellulite!

3. A REAL man... I don't care if you have to go to
Hasbro to get him; bring
me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me-Elmo over that
pathetic bump of a
boy-toy, Ken. And what was up with that earring
anyway? HELLO!?!

4. It's about time you made us all anatomically
correct. Give me arms that
actually bend so I can push the aforementioned
Ken-wimp away once he is
anatomically correct.

5. Breast reduction surgery. 'Nuff said.

6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery.

7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher don't
make the real money.
(yeah, I know)

8. A new, more 90s persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie,"
complete with a pint of
cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips.

9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is
wrecking my vinyl

10. Mattel stock options. It's been 40 years - I think
I deserve a piece of
the action.

Considering my valuable contribution to society and to
Mattel, I think these
demands are reasonable. If you don't like it, you can
find yourself a new
[#@!$] for next Christmas. It's that simple.

As ever, Barbie

yep i stole this..... :twisted:
Fisty Nickle
Ren Merc #281
Rogue #658
Privateer #13
UAP #1
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