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Author Topic: Least Impressive New Year's Resolutions  (Read 2219 times)

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Least Impressive New Year's Resolutions
« on: Dec 28, 02, 08:07:14 pm CST »

Stolen from here

by Jeremy Sale and John Rose

New Year's is upon us, and it's a time for self-reflection. We know you're perfect, but there has to be one resolution you know you're going to make. And break. In that spirit, beer.com presents the least impressive New Year's resolutions.

The Least Impressive New Year's Resolutions:

12) I promise to quit smoking...menthols.

11) As much as I want to go see "Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" right away, I'll force myself to watch the crappy cartoon version from the '70s.

10) When at an airport, absolutely no jokes about bombs -- unless they're really funny.

9) I firmly resolve to stop reading porn mags until wife has photocopied the articles for me.

8) I promise to work out at a health club each and every day that I feel like it.

7) I'll stop calling my employed friends to ask them "if they're working hard or hardly working?"

6) I'll think for myself, instead of blindly following orders from the neighbor's dog.

5) This Mother's Day I'll seriously consider calling the old girl.

4) I'll only surf porn while awake.

3) I'll delete all pirated software and music from my hard drive -- just as soon as I've burned them to disc.

2) I'll not smoke salmon in bed.

And the number one least impressive New Year's resolution is...chosen by you!

"Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one."


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    • ludgardo
Least Impressive New Year's Resolutions
« Reply #1 on: Dec 30, 02, 07:07:39 am CST »

and the number 1 Least impressive New Years Resolution:
I will stop quitting my diet by not starting one this year ::hdbang::
"Vi Veri Vniversum Vivus Vici" ("By the power of truth, I, a living man, have conquered the universe"

"Religion is about faith, not evidence. Comparing science and religion isn't like comparing apples and oranges—it's more like apples and sewing machines." ~ Jack Horner
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