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Author Topic: Old Zingers!!  (Read 740 times)

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Magnus

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Old Zingers!!
« on: Aug 15, 01, 07:50:20 am CDT »

Here is an oldie but goodie.

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him . She turned to the cowboy and asked him "Are you a real cowboy?".

He replied "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses , mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."

She said, "I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women.

A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I was a lesbian."
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Magnus

"Idiots are fun. No wonder every village wants one."

Lily

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Old Zingers!!
« Reply #1 on: Aug 15, 01, 09:42:12 am CDT »

Here's one that was told by Bryan of the Rogues of Scotland a few weekends ago at GLMF:

A wealthy English gentleman decided to take a whisky tasting tour of the Highlands. He had toured for some time when he heard tell of a remote, out of the way pub that had a bottle of 100 year old whisky, and decided to have a try. So, he walks into the pub, and sits down at the bar. The man behind the bar asks what he would like. The Englishman says "Yes, my good lad, I have heard that you have here a bottle of 100 year old whisky. I should like to have a taste of it, never mind the cost". The bartender looks at the man, then walks over to a very old and dusty bottle, picks it up and pours the man a shot, then pushes the glass across the bar to him. The Englishman drinks it down and exclaims "Oh, yes, that really is quite nice! But, you see, I asked you for a shot of the 100 year old stuff, and this is, at best 25 years old. Now, be a good lad and fetch me some of the 100 year old". The bartender is a bit amazed, reaches under the bar and pulls out an even older looking, more dusty bottle, pours the man a shot and slides it over to him. Again, the Englishman drinks it down and says "My goodness, that is very tasty indeed! But, again, sir, I asked for the 100 year old, and this is, at most 75 years old. Please, won't you be a good chap and do bring me some of the 100 year old?"

By this time, the few other patrons of the pub have taken notice and are watching the scene in awe. The bartender excuses himself, walks into the back room, down some stairs and into the pub's cellar. There, he unlocks a rusted old safe and takes out an extremely old bottle, covered with dust and cobwebs. He pours a shot, replaces the bottle, relocks the safe and goes back up to the bar. He then hands the glass to the Englishman, who drinks the whisky down. "By God, that is it! This is indeed 100 year old whisky, and it is wonderful!".

At that, one of the patrons of the pub walks up to the Englishman and says "Tha's a verra fine trick ye can do, lad! Now, give this a try!" and he hands a glass to the Englishman. He drinks it down and makes a disgusted face. "Good lord, man! This tastes like piss!" the Scot smiles and says "Aye, but can ye tell how old I am?"
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Lily
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