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Customer Service
« on: Nov 03, 03, 09:50:22 pm CST »


This has got to be one of the funniest incidents I've heard in a
long time. This guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a
true story from the 'WordPerfect Helpline,' which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the Customer Care Department.
Needless to say, the HelpDesk employee was fired. However, he is
currently suing the WordPerfect Organization for 'termination
without cause.' This is the actual dialogue of the former
WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now you will know why they
record these conversations).

'Rich Hall, computer assistance; how may I help you?'

     'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?'

     'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?'

    'They disappeared.'

'Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?'



     'It's blank. It won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

     'How do I tell?'

'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'

     'What's a sea-prompt?'

'Never mind can you move your cursor around the screen?'

     'There isn't any cursor. I told you it won't accept anything I

'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'

     'What's a monitor?'

'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it
have a little light that tells you when its on?'

     'I don't know.'

'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
power cord goes into it. Can you see that?'

     'Yes, I think so.'

'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged
into the wall.'

     'Yes, it is.'

'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were
two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?'


'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the
other cable.'

     'Okay, here it is.'

'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the
back of your computer.'

     'I can't reach.'

'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?'


'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'

     'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because
it's dark.'


     'Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming
in from the window.'

'Well, turn on the light then.'

     'I can't.'

'No? why not?'

     'Because there's a power failure.'

'A power..a power failure?..Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do
you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in?'

'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

'Good. Go and get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from.'

     'Really? Is it that bad?'

'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

     'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

'Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer.'
"Bringing a little chaos to your order..."
Naughty Redhead

"The surest way to stay out of trouble is to stop getting caught."

Witch Doctor of the good ship "Prometheus"
80.7% FaireFolk corrupt
Not the Potter

"Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference."


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Customer Service
« Reply #1 on: Nov 04, 03, 07:34:04 am CST »

LMAO !!!   Too perfect...I can definately see myself saying that if I were that customer service guy!  ::lol::
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Customer Service
« Reply #2 on: Nov 04, 03, 10:22:14 am CST »

How about one from REAL life?  When I worked at Cablevision I got a call I will NEVER forget...

Me:  Thank you for calling Cablevision customer service this is Dan Speaking, How May I help you?

Customer:  Yeah Hi... I'm having problems with my TV.

Me:  OK... well let me have your Name and Address and I'll verify your acct and we'll see what we can do.

Customer:  Well, I really dont think thats nessasary... I just figured I'd make sure you were working in the Area.

Me:  Well, what area are you in sir?

Customer:  I live in Warwick...

Me:  OK... well, let me have you info and I'll check specifically.

Customer:  I guess... (Gave me info) So you're working here right?

Me:  Actually Sir, we aren't... seems you have a real problem.  When did this start?

Customer:  Well, it only happened a few minutes ago... I was watching it and then it was ALL static!  You're SURE you arent working out here?

Me:  Yes sir...  Well lets check your connections first, look behind the TV sir.  Can you check to see if all your wires are nice and tight?

Customer:  Not really...

Me:  Is the TV too close to the wall sir?  can you move it out some?

Customer:  It isnt that... My Cat is back there.

Me:  Your Cat sir??

Customer:  Yeah, he was sittin on top of the TV and he fell back there.

Me:  How long ago Sir???

Customer:  Just before the TV went out!

Me:  And the Cat is still back there Sir?!

Customer:  Yeah... he's a little pissed right now so I cant get him.

Me:  Right... well, I can suggest two things sir...

Customer:  OK... what are they?

Me:  The first is getting your cat out from behind the TV and checking your connections since he probabally knocked things loose when he fell back there...

Customer:  Oh... Is there something easier?

Me:  Yes sir... Look into the Cat's Left eye... if you see HBO just watch your cat and ignore the TV.

At this point I hung up.
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Customer Service
« Reply #3 on: Nov 04, 03, 10:46:46 am CST »

ok that needs to be submitted, www.rinkworks.com/stupid has the word perfect stopry for years ( and many others) the where behind and not accepting submissions last i checked but the cable cat story needs to be sent to them.

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« Reply #4 on: Nov 05, 03, 06:03:31 pm CST »

I don't know the whole story, but I do recall a computer costomer service story when an individual called in and told the company that the cup-holder broke and she would like it replaced. They asked her if she got a complementary cup holder from the company. She actually put her coffee mug in the CD Burner portion of her tower and it broke right the hell off! LOL...where do they grow these people?
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« Reply #5 on: Nov 05, 03, 10:35:10 pm CST »

You want some truly funny stuff go to http://www.customerssuck.com.
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