How to get to Heaven from Scotland ...
I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting into heaven.
I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was 'No!'
By now I was starting to smile..
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"
Again, they all answered 'No!'
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
A six year old boy shouted, "Yuv goat tae be fukin' deid"
Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir e'e...