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Author Topic: Probably bullshit but still funny.  (Read 1769 times)

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The 6th Rogue

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Probably bullshit but still funny.
« on: Mar 31, 10, 02:22:21 pm CDT »

Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews) - Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials.
"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong."
The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, "growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats," decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event "in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats."  "In fact," said the organizer, "motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it, ergo, they should stop."
According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960's era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting "you're murderers" to passers by.  This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.
"They peed on me!!!" charged one activist.  "They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene', and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"
"I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he didn't even care.  I called him a murderer, and all he said was, 'You can't prove that.'  Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman."
Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress.  Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers "farted on their heads."
Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the allegations.
"That's preposterous," said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee.  "We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us.  They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event.  So, what did we do?  We invited them to the party!  What could be more
friendly than that?  You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness.  Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome."
When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on their heads,' the organizer declined to comment in detail. "That's just our secret handshake," assured the organizer.
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King Nerd of Dorkshire.
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The Instigator

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Re: Probably bullshit but still funny.
« Reply #1 on: Mar 31, 10, 05:17:18 pm CDT »

oh how i hope this is actually true... probably not, but that'd be hysterical if it was...
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The 6th Rogue

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Re: Probably bullshit but still funny.
« Reply #2 on: Mar 31, 10, 07:12:26 pm CDT »

What makes me wish it were true as well is this line right here:

"we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it, ergo, they should stop."

People that think like that really need to be duct taped to a tree and peed on until they get their priorities straight.  People being tortured to death in the middle east, protest worthy.  Feeling sorry for a steak, golden shower time fuckwad.
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King Nerd of Dorkshire.
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Private Rauol D'Lackey

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Re: Probably bullshit but still funny.
« Reply #3 on: Apr 01, 10, 08:20:41 am CDT »

sounds like something that would be psoted on the onion.com.

There is no way that is real.

I do not think there is any protester group that would be stupid enough to go to a biker rally and poor red food die on them and yell at them. I mean, that is suicidally stupid.
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Sarah

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Re: Probably bullshit but still funny.
« Reply #4 on: Apr 01, 10, 09:25:27 am CDT »

Ron, you're a god.  LOL I don't care if this is real or not - fucking made my morning!!
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The 6th Rogue

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Re: Probably bullshit but still funny.
« Reply #5 on: Apr 01, 10, 09:26:52 am CDT »

:-)
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King Nerd of Dorkshire.
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The 6th Rogue

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Re: Probably bullshit but still funny.
« Reply #6 on: Apr 01, 10, 09:30:58 am CDT »

I tracked down the actual article on the actual website:

http://glossynews.com/society/201001070305/activists-missing-after-declaring-war-on-leather-at-motorcycle-rally/


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King Nerd of Dorkshire.
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"Hey, I'm the Doctor, I can save the universe with a kettle and some string...and look at me, I'm wearing a vegetable!"

Dragonamant

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Re: Probably bullshit but still funny.
« Reply #7 on: Apr 01, 10, 12:11:49 pm CDT »

Funny!  :D
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