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Author Topic: Global Terror Alerts  (Read 651 times)

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The 6th Rogue

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Global Terror Alerts
« on: Nov 09, 10, 10:07:28 am CST »

>The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and
have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved".  Soon,
though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit
Cross".  The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when
tea supplies nearly ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from
"Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance".  The last time the British issued a "Bloody
Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards".  They don't have any other levels.  This is the reason they have been
used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from "Run" to "Hide".  The only two higher levels in France are
"Collaborate" and "Surrender".  The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that
destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's
military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to
"Elaborate Military Posturing".  Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat
Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to
"Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs".  They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they
are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
really good look at the old Spanish navy. They are not worried about defeat as long as they look good!!!!!

Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all
of their allies "just in case".

Canada is too busy trying to decide whether or not to have bicycles licenced to
bother about having any alert levels.

New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA".  Due to
continuing defence cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation,
which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us". The Maoris have increased the intensity of Haka Practice as a deterrent

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be alright, mate".  Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I
think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is
cancelled" and "No more Beers".  So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation
King Nerd of Dorkshire.
I'm here to keep the place from being boring.
"Hey, I'm the Doctor, I can save the universe with a kettle and some string...and look at me, I'm wearing a vegetable!"
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