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[Maggie]

How to get to Heaven from Scotland ...
 
I  was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday  school class to see if they  understood the concept of getting into heaven.
 

I asked them,  "If I sold my house and my  car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my  money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
 
"NO!" the children answered.
 
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?"
 
Again, the answer was 'No!'
 
By now I was starting to smile..
 
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?"
 
Again, they all answered 'No!'
 
I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"
 
A six year old boy shouted,  "Yuv goat tae be fukin' deid"
 
Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir e'e...

[Hallertauer]

LOL Are ye daft